Shoebox
by prouvaires
Summary: Challenge fic. Tess Tyler has changed, but has she changed enough to let the world see the real her? Can she deal with having Shane Gray hate her, when she might possibly be completely in love with his band mate and best friend Nate Black? R&R!
1. Life

I was lying on my bed, looking through the photos one by one. Even though I always have the latest in digital cameras and cell phones, (one of the perks of having a global superstar as your mother) I _always _have hard copies made of my photographs. Not that I'm a brilliant photographer, or anything. But still …

This particular set was from my disastrous summer last year – you know, the summer that Mitchie Torres claims was the best summer of her life. I made a lot of mistakes that summer. You see, Mitchie wasn't the only one hiding behind a façade. Not that anyone thinks I'm genuine or anything – in fact, everyone thinks I'm probably the shallowest, dumbest blonde ever to walk the earth. It's not true. But, I guess I don't connect to my peer group. It's not my fault – I have never done the whole high school thing. I reckon that would have killed my mother, me mixing with all those kids who could have illnesses. Of course, in her opinion, uncoolness is the biggest epidemic ever to sweep the nation.

Because of her obsession with image, I've been wearing contacts since I was five, and she paid something like a thousand dollars extra so I could get my braces on the back of my teeth, so no-one would see them. Usually it's the kid's job to be embarrassed, and desperate to be one of the cool group, right? Not in my family. I can see what I must have gone through right now, with my little sister. I understand exactly how she's feeling. She's seven right now, and she's going through the rebellious stage. First comes the bewildered phase, then the rebellion, and then acceptance, and finally, as TJ Tyler's overbearing personality really gets to you, the true joy in realising that you've become what every girl aspires to be: the teenage queen bee.

I used to be so happy being what I was – the most popular kid in camp. Now I don't want that. I don't know what I want any more. The first and second summers at Camp Rock were truly me: I made my stamp, and branded myself as ruler of Camp Rock. The next summer was the same. But then Mitchie came. Mitchie and … Shane. Shane, the boy I knew I'd been destined for since I knew who he was. He's perfect: gorgeous, talented, and now so _incredibly _nice. That summer I changed. My queen bee image wasn't really me any longer. But it was easy to hide behind, so I let myself become that thing I always dreaded – the insecure, poor-little-rich-kid.

I get people telling me that they'd love to be me. Yeah, right. Not for a second, if they knew what I go through every day.

"Tess!" My mother's voice floated up the stairs. I tipped my head back in despair, then shoved the pictures – of canoes, trees, people – back into the old shoebox I hid under my bed. It's so cliché, I know. Shoebox under the bed. But, I need some normalcy in my life right now.

"_Tess_!" she was getting madder now. I could hear it in her tone.

"I'm coming, mom!" I yelled back, rolling off the bed and onto my feet.

"Well do it quickly, then! I need you to walk Diana to Mairi's house this morning."

I clumped heavily down the stairs. My mom appeared from the kitchen. What the hell was she doing in the kitchen?! It's not like she ever cooked.

"You're not even dressed, sweetie! Go back upstairs and put something nice on. You never know, Charlie might be in."

"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you that there's nothing going on between me and Charlie?!"

"Charlie and I, darling. Now go get changed."

I threw up my hands in disgust and stomped back upstairs. Now, what would I be up to today? Well, there would be that party at Laura's tonight, so I'll save my heavy make-up for then. And I had to go to the recording studio with mom this afternoon. Hmm. I wandered over to my closet – walk in, of course - and picked out some jeans and a nice beaded top. I shoved my feet into some beaded slippers and grabbed a hat out of the rack. I pulled it onto the back of my head – not really in the mood to straighten my hair – and ran back down the stairs. I tripped at the bottom but managed to save myself from falling by grabbing the banister.

"Nice, Tess," my mom said, watching as one of our maids helped Diana into her jacket. Today Diana was in all yellow – as a demonstration of her protest, she wore a different colour that my mom hated every day of the week. Today was Friday, so it was the yellow day. Tomorrow would be lime green, and Sunday brown. Sometimes, I really respect my little sister.

"C'mon, Di," I said, grabbing her hand, despite her struggles to free it, and almost dragging her from the house. The doorman swung the huge front doors open and we marched out. Then we walked down the long drive under the palm trees. The sunshine was strong and hot today, and I regretted the jeans.

"Oi! Tess!"

Oh yeah, the other thing I hate about my life? Shane Gray lives right next door to me. He moved there last September. Not that he's there that often, or anything, but his bandmates quite regularly hang out there. Not that I blame them. He's got the most awesome pool in the world, with about six slides, five diving boards and a wave machine. I never saw the inside of his house, but I would bet any money it's goddamn _amazing_.

"I said: Oi! Tess!"

I turned my head wearily and saw Nate's curly-haired head leaning over the top of the fence. I could see his shoulders too – nice, wide shoulders – which were unclothed. His hair was pretty wet, so I guessed he'd been in the pool. And of course he would see me this morning, when my hair was all over the place and I was nice and red because I was so bloody hot in these stupid jeans.

"Are you alright?" he called, because I still hadn't replied to his shout.

"I'm fine," I said back, not wanting to shout and annoy the rest of the neighbourhood.

"You look kinda hot. Wanna come for a swim?" he asked, putting on a puppy-dog expression and tilting his head to one side. He was cute, but I've never really liked him like that, if you get what I mean. So the puppy-dog expression did nothing.

"No, sorry. I've got to take my sister to her friend's house."

"Please?" he begged. I was beginning to get weirded out. Why was he all by himself in the pool? Didn't he have mates he could call?

"Nate?" I heard another female voice call and watched as Mitchie bore down on him with a glass of fruit juice.

"Oh, hi Tess," she said when she noticed me. I waved and then started walking again, propelling Diana forward. She had a massive crush on Nate, so she couldn't understand why I didn't want to stay and chat.

"Hey, wait up!" a voice called, and I turned to see Nate jogging down the sidewalk towards me and Diana. She perked up a bit. He was still just in wet swimming trunks, and I guess all that running around on stage really had helped him build some muscle. Plus the nice tan … shut up! Shut up!

"Are you sure you're okay? You look pretty down."

"I'm fine, really. Just having a bad day, that's all."

"Hmm," he replied, unconvinced. "Well, if you get any time later, come have a swim with us, 'kay?"

I half-frowned, half-smiled. "I do have my own pool, you know."

"Yeah, but does yours have massive slides on it? I don't think so!" He shot back, grinning wildly.

"Okay, okay, you win." I told him, and he grinned wider. "But I don't have any time today. And besides, Mitchie's there, and Shane, and she's poisoned him against me. I'm surprised she hasn't got to you, too."

"You're prettier than she is," he replied, leaning in closer as if confiding something to me.

"Okay …" I said, astounded. Then I collected my battered wits. "I have to go now, or Diana will be late. I'll see you around."

"Bye, Tess," he called after me. I walked on with my head swimming, not noticing Diana's impatient tugs on my arm.

"I said, Earth to Tess! We're at Mairi's now!"

Oh yeah, so we were.

"Okay, honey, in you go."

"You're not gonna stay and see Charlie?"

"How many times do I have to tell people?! There is _nothing _going on between me and Charlie!"

"He thinks there is. Mairi told me."

"Good for her."

I rang the doorbell absent-mindedly, and to my horror, Charlie opened the door. He _was_ quite good-looking, with a Zac Efron-esque facial structure and beautiful green eyes, but he just didn't do it for me.

"Hiya, Tess. Long time no see," he said, leaning against the doorway. Diana pushed past him into the house.

"Yeah," I replied, not really in the mood for a chat this morning

"So, I was thinking, I got my car at last! D'you wanna go see a movie, or go out to dinner or something?" he had a hopeful expression on his face that was overshadowed by deep self-confidence, certain I would say yes.

"No, thanks, Charlie. I'm kinda busy at the moment."

His face fell.

"Well, how about just a coffee this morning? Diana told me you're not doing anything until this afternoon."

My bloody little sister was trying to play Cupid again.

"No. Actually, I'm going swimming with some friends right now. I just have to go and change. See you later," I told him, and walked off home as fast as I could. When I got to our front garden I ran over to the fence.

"Nate?" I called, ignoring Shane and Mitchie making out in front of me. I called again with no reply, but then he appeared from the bottom of one of the slides.

"What do _you_ want?" Mitchie asked, separating herself from Shane. I said a silent thank you to whatever guardian angel was looking after me.

"At the moment, I want to speak to Nate, thanks. Not that it's any of your business, or anything."

I saw her gathering herself for what I'm sure would have been a scathing comeback (not) and was saved by Nate, who bounded over joyfully.

"'sup, Tess?"

"Can I take you up on that swim now?" I asked, ignoring MItchie's glare.

"Sure! Come on in!"

"I have to go get changed first. Give me two minutes."

"I'll be waiting," he said, his voice smouldering. I laughed and turned to run back inside. I shot up the back staircase and grabbed my favourite bikini. It was deep blue and had gold lining and edges, plus 'no love lost' written across it. Blue and gold are my favourite colours, and I like them especially together. I like blue and silver together, too.

I scrambled into it, threw a summer dress over the top and grabbed a towel and my sunglasses and suncream. Then I hurried back downstairs. Nate was still waiting, leaning against the fence. I managed to pull myself over it, and he caught me, laughing, when my dress got caught and I fell.

"Sorry," I muttered, freeing myself.

"It's okay. It was pretty funny."

I grinned and noticed Mitchie's absence.

"Where'd Mitchie go?"

Shane was lying on a sun-lounger, one hand covering his eyes. "She's furious with Nate for inviting you over. She's still mad about last year."

Nate chuckled. "Man, that girl can carry a grudge."

Shane nodded in agreement but didn't smile. I began to feel a tiny bit guilty. This was a new emotion that had never plagued before the summer, and I hated it.

"I can go, if you want …" I started, but Nate cut me off.

"No! Stay, please? I'm so bored! Jason's gone shopping for some new birds for his aviary and Shane and Mitchie won't unglue themselves from each other to play with me!"

"Play with you? How old are you, five?" I asked, grinning all the same. He laughed.

"I wish. It was so easy being five – the only thing that mattered was where your next form of entertainment was coming from."

I nodded in agreement – I could totally see his point. "I always wanted a kid," I said, beginning to loosen my dress. "I decided last year that I wanted a baby, because then I could show my mom how kids are _supposed _to be brought up. And also because it would be nice to have a reminder of the good old days, before the world got so complicated."

Nate smiled, and I could see him considering that. "If I had a child, I'd just want it. Not for any scheming reasons. Just because it _was_, you know?"

I got where he was coming from. I wondered if he wanted a baby as much as I did. It must look pretty odd right now, I suppose. The sixteen-year-old ice queen craving a _baby_? What the hell?

"So, you coming in, or what?" Nate asked, trying to tug me in. I batted him off and pulled my dress off.

"Here, you have to put sunscreen on my back first," I informed him, squeezing some into my hand before handing him the bottle. Shane mumbled something that I don't doubt was incredibly rude and rolled off the sun-lounger and headed towards the house. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Well, at least I can clear a poolside, right?" I asked Nate, then hissed as the cold sunscreen made contact with my skin. He laughed.

"Yeah. I'll call you when I get unwanted guests. Here, what's your number?" he asked ingeniously. He handed me his iPhone and I punched in my number, saved it, then got it.

"Oh! Wow, that was smart. You got my number. Can I have yours?"

"Sure. Let me just clean my hands first, though." He said. He grabbed a towel and wiped his hands, then took my cell and put his number in. I began to apply the sunscreen to my chest, having done my legs and stomach. Nate put my phone down.

"Can I help you with that?" he asked suggestively. I ignored him and finished putting it on. He sat down and tilted his head back, acting incredibly bored.

"Drama queen," I said as I did my face. He smiled, and then grabbed the sunscreen and lifted my hair with one hand. "Nate …" I said warningly as he caressed the nape of my neck.

"What?" he asked innocently. "I was just putting the sunscreen on for you."

"Humph," I grumbled as he pulled his hands away.

"Can we go swimming now?" he begged, doing the puppy-dog face again. This time I gave in.

"Oh, alright then." I replied, and he grinned hugely.

"C'mon, you have to start on the slide," he told me, grabbing my hand to pull me towards the steps. They were tall and winding, and my thighs were starting to burn by the time we reached the top.

"Go on," he said, gesturing at me to swing myself into the tunnel. I eyed it. It was completely black.

"Um, no thanks. You can go first."

He smirked at me. "Scared?"

"No …"

"Oh sure," he said. Then, without warning, he swung me up and jumped into the tunnel. I clutched at him convulsively. I was sitting between his legs, and his arms were wrapped around my waist as we sped down the slide. I don't like the dark. I'm not _scared _of it – I'm scared of what might be _in _it. I pressed myself against Nate, unable to bring myself to enjoy the speed. He laughed loudly, and it echoed in the confined space. The rush and tumble of water covered the sound of my heavy breathing. I know, I'm pathetic, getting worked up over just the _dark_. Whatever.

We exploded out of the bottom of the slide and landed with a massive splash in the pool, arms and legs entangled. I felt my leg bang against the bottom of the pool and grimaced in pain. I pushed off the bottom and my head broke the surface. I stood, fighting panic, trying to get my breathing back to normal.

"What's the matter?" Nate came up behind me, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. I didn't turn.

"Nothing," I muttered, suddenly very conscious that I didn't know him all that well. Afraid of seeming weak, I hurried over to the side of the pool and pulled myself out. I grabbed up my towel and began to dry myself, my back to the pool. I felt the tears begin to drip down my cheeks and used the towel to wipe them away.

I heard Nate get out of the water and shoved my dress over my head. I also pulled my sunglasses on so he wouldn't see my watering eyes.

"Are you afraid of small spaces?" he asked quietly, turning me to face him and trying to see my eyes behind my sunglasses. I shook my head.

"The dark?" he guessed, and when I didn't answer and stared fixedly at the floor, he spoke again. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"That's so cute. It makes me want to protect you so bad."

I raised my face and glanced around desperately.

"I have to go. I'm going out with my mom later and I need to wash my hair," I said, and grabbed up my sunscreen before running for the fence. I clambered over it without falling this time, and made it to the house. I slammed the side door behind me and leant against it. Okay, so Shane and Mitchie hated me. I could live with that. Now I guessed that Nate would hate me too. I wasn't so sure I could live with _that_. I'd talked to him about six times before this, and it was weird but I kind of felt a connection, you know? Odd, huh? Oh God, I hoped I wasn't falling for him. That would just complicate things beyond belief.

"Tess? Is that you, honey?" I heard my mom calling. I ran up the back stairs and then leant over the main landing.

"Yeah, mom. I'm just gonna jump in the shower, okay?"

"Be quick, I don't want to be late."

"Sure, sure," I said, and then went back into my room. I took off my sunglasses and tossed them onto the bed, and I let my dress fall to the floor as I walked over to my bathroom, and then when I reached the shower I turned it on and pulled my bikini off. I stepped in and turned the heat right up until the water was almost scalding. I stood and just let the boiling water run over me, trying to wash away my confused feelings.

When I felt cleansed I soaped up my hair and washed everywhere. Then I got out and wrapped myself in one of the thick, fluffy white towels that the maid had left folded up for me. I went over to the mirror and sighed, then began to put my make-up on.


	2. Death

I sat in the car with my head leaning against the window.

"Tess, are you okay?" my mom was sitting in the back next to me, and she put a hand on my knee. I shifted a little, and she removed it.

"I'm fine, mom. No worries," I told her, still staring as the expensive houses and waving palm trees flashed by.

"Was Charlie at home?"

I swear, if she asked one more time I would explode.

"Yes he was, mom."

"Did he talk to you at all?"

I pulled my head away from the window and regarded her coldly. She ignored my glare and pressed on.

"Tara said he was going to ask you out. Did he?"

"Yes, he did." I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of just divulging information at whim. She would have to work for it.

"Where are you two going then?"

Ooo, she's good. Make assumptions, and I'll jump to correct them and release more than I meant to. Despite knowing this, I couldn't help shoot back, "We're not going anywhere. He asked me to a movie or to dinner but I said no. Then he asked me for a coffee but I went swimming next door instead."

Her eyes lit up. A link with Connect 3 would please her even more than a link with her friend Tara.

"With Shane Gray, you mean?"

"No. Shane doesn't like me because of the whole Mitchie thing. I went swimming with Nate Black instead."

"Nate! No way!"

"Mom, please don't go all teenagerish on me."

She ignored me. "Sweetie, you have to get to know him better! I taught you how to wrap a man around your little finger, so you have to get him like that."

I saw my opportunity and grabbed it with both hands.

"If I can go to school in the Fall I'll try to make it work with Nate, okay?"

I sat and watched as she processed my request. I could see indecision warring within her. I turned to stare out of the window again.

"Tess, honey, that's not fair."

Oh, great comeback, mom.

"Yes it is. You know how much I want to go to high school before I'm too old. I'll get you the link with Connect 3 if you let me go to school."

I didn't turn to look at her this time. I could almost feel her glower bouncing off my back, but I ignored it. She would cave: it was Connect 3. _The _Connect 3. I could feel the smirk forming on my lips.

"I'll have to think about it," she said abruptly, but I knew from her tone that she had decided to let me. I made no outward sign of it – something else I've gotten good at: hiding my emotions. We made the turn off to the studio. The driver pulled up outside the main door and we stepped out, the warm LA wind blowing my hair out of my face. I carefully rearranged my features into my best arrogant smirk and strode in to the building in front of my mom.

"TJ! Tess! How wonderful to see you," the gushing manager said, running up and almost bowing, I swear. I tossed my hair and replied with a bored "Hello, Dave."

Throwing me a warning glance, my mom shook his hand. I made no effort to disguise my boredom as they talked, yawning hugely and regularly and examining my nails. I began to consider what I had proposed to my mom. I had to get Nate Black totally head-over-heels for me. I would have to use every single trick I'd learnt over the years. Not that it wouldn't be fun. Who wouldn't want a hot, talented superstar following them around?

Right. So, if I was going to rock this gig, I would have to get some practice in.

"I'm going for a coffee, 'kay?" I said absently to whoever was listening and wandered off, still ignoring my mom as she apologised for my rudeness. Whatever. I paced down the hallway, keeping an eye out for any cute boys my age. I found a suitable candidate – he was hot in a surfer-guy type way. He was walking down the corridor towards me, and unashamedly checking me out already. I flicked my hair minutely.

As soon as he was near enough for me to see his expression properly – meaning he could see me – I let my eyes rake from his head down to his feet, and back up again, resting on his lips and then darting up to his eyes. He looked momentarily surprised. I looked away with a smile on my lips meant to convey that I liked what I saw. I liked it enough for him to serve my purpose.

I let my eyes wander back to meet his, and did the sticky-eye thing, where you act like you can't quite bring yourself to look away. I dragged my gaze away slowly, reluctantly, and then we walked past each other. I counted seven careful paces, swinging my hips, and stole a coy glance over my shoulder. He was standing, seemingly awestruck, in the middle of the hall, watching me go.

Perfect. I walked away without a second glance, back to the recording booth my mom would be in. She always had the same one – the manager had stuck up posters of her all over the walls. I snuck in – the session was in-progress, so I was deadly quiet. No need to wake up _that _argument, anyway. I slumped into one of the soft sofas at the side of the room and let my head fall back. If I was gonna survive Laura's party in the evening I would need a lot of energy, and caffeine wasn't going to be enough. I shut my eyes and let my mind drift away. It sounds corny to say that Nate's face swam before me when I had my eyes closed, but I promise that 'his face was the last thing I saw before slipping blissfully under' is a thing that _so _didn't happen to me. What did I see just before I fell asleep? How should I know? I was almost asleep, it's not like I was going 'hey, let's remember _exactly _what I'm seeing!'

When I woke up the clock hands had moved round four hours, my hair was a mess and my mom was leaning over me, shaking me crossly.

"Tess! Have you been asleep this whole time?"

"…No?" I tried, but I wasn't fooling her.

"You didn't hear my brand new song! It's lovely," she told me as I struggled to my feet, blinking the sleep from my eyes.

"I'm sure it is. And don't worry, it'll be number one by tomorrow and I'll hear it on the radio."

She couldn't decide whether or not I was being sarcastic so she let it go.

"Well, come on. I need to pack."

Off on tour _again _tomorrow – woot woot! Not. At least I would have the house to myself for three weeks. I _liked _being by myself, despite my fear of the dark. I just turned on all the lights. Plus, this time Diana was going with mom on tour so I wouldn't have to look after her. I would be able to throw a couple of kick-ass parties and not get told on. And I would be able to spend all my time with Nate, without having to pretend it was a chore. No, don't think about that. Think about something else … like the dilemma of what to wear this evening.

That particular problem occupied me all the way to the car and half the way home. By the time we passed Mairi's house I had narrowed it down to two – and was completely stuck. Charlie was out in the garden when we went past. To my horror, my mom got the driver to stop.

"I think I'll just pop in for a word with Tara, if that's alright, honey. Why don't you go and talk to Charlie?"

I sighed. "It's good, I think I'll just walk home."

I was wearing much more practical shorts this time around, so I climbed out of the car and set off down the road. I heard Charlie jump over the fence behind me and begin to jog down the road. I hurriedly put my earphones in and cursed my wedges, unable to run in them.

"Tess! Hey, Tess!"

I ignored him.

"Tess!"

He was close enough now for me to be able to hear him loudly through the music, so I reluctantly tugged my earphones out and waited for him to catch me up.

"How are you?" he asked when he drew level.

Wow. What an opener.

"I'm good, thanks."

Awkward pause. I tell you, that guy makes _sparkling _conversation.

"So, what have you been up to today?"

Yeah, because we haven't gone through _that _yet.

"Like I said earlier, I went swimming with a friend this morning and I've spent all afternoon at the recording studio with my mom. What have you been up to?"

After all, I can't be bothered to do all the talking. I wonder if Charlie'll ever hold my attention with something other than his musculature.

"Oh, I worked out this morning - " big surprise there " - and Diana and Mairi forced me to help them hold a teddy bear picnic this afternoon."

I laughed, because I think that's what he expected. He smiled too. How far to my house? I was inwardly screaming for him to go away while nodding and listening to a story he was telling me when I caught sight of someone jogging towards us.

Unusual. There're not many people suicidal enough to go running on a day like today. I wondered who it was, but then shrugged. Did I really care? Trying to capture my limited attention, Charlie asked me a question.

"So, do you hang out with your dad much? My dad loves baseball, so I thought we could all go out together …" he stopped.

Dad. Oh, daddy. I had to choke my next words past my tears.

"My dad's dead, Charlie."

He didn't reply, but I could see mortification pouring from every aspect of his body.

"Tess, I'm … I'm sorry."

He should be. Because of course that's the real reason I'm screwed up. Not because my mom only cares about me as an aspect of her life to get her more fame, but because my dad's chevy picked a fight with a tree one night and the tree won.

Spectacularly.

Trees aren't as soft as they look. I don't know why people go around hugging them.

"You should go," I told Charlie, wiping my face. He nodded and turned around, pacing hurriedly away.

I could feel the tears pouring hot and heavy down my face. Why was I so into crying today? It's not my fault. It's been four years, after all. I should be over it. But I'm so not. Every day I want him to wrap his arms around me and call me his perfect little princess. Every day I gaze at little kids with their moms _and _their dads, and jealousy tears at my insides. Every day the pain eats at me, until I think I'll go mad with it. I suppose I might be overreacting, but wouldn't you? If the one person in your life that loved you for _you_ was snatched away from you?

I brushed ineffectually at the tears.

I think that was the real reason I hated Mitchie. She had _everything _– a mom who was willing to sacrifice her entire summer so her daughter could go to camp, a dad who supported everything his wife and daughter did, and a perfect little bubble of happiness. It wasn't fair. That's why I _had_ to destroy her. Don't you see? She had it all and she lied about it, trying to make it look better. Didn't she know it already _was _better? That I, Tess Tyler, would give anything to trade lives with her, just for a day.

And not just for her celebrity boyfriend.

It kills me. But, I know how to deal with it. The party that night would be perfect – the perfect opportunity to get absolutely wasted. So what if I'm only 16? I can party like the best, and wear whatever I want, because I've got no dad to tell me to wear something more suitable.

Oh, daddy. Why aren't you here for me?

I don't know anyone who can connect with me. At Camp Rock one time when Ella and Peggy watched The Lion King, I could only stand about half of it.

"_Dad? Dad, get up. We've gotta go home."_

"_Help! Help me! Somebody! ...anybody…help…"_

That's when I had to leave. I knew how Simba felt, because I was crying that out silently all the time.

If only I could run away and never return like Simba. Christ, lions have it easy. No looking back. No regrets, no worries.

Idiots.

My tears stopped. I had successfully transferred my grief to anger. Perfect. God help the next prat who crossed my path.

I rubbed my face and prayed my make-up hadn't smudged. The jogger was long gone. I carried on walking. I had stopped completely for about two minutes. That must have looked odd to anyone watching. Right now all I wanted was … what did I want?

Hmm. Another problem to occupy my mind as I walked.

"Tess!"

Oh. Nate's still in the pool. Does that boy have no life?

"What's up?" I asked, my voice thick.

"Are you okay? Have you been crying?" He was over the fence in a flash. I wiped my nose with my hand.

"No." He didn't buy it any more than my mom had.

"Tess, your eyes are all red and puffy and you have tearstains all down your cheeks. So who died?"

Oh, he did _not_! Oh well. I had given a mental warning.

"MY DAD FREAKING DIED, WHO ELSE?" I screamed at him before I realised what I had done. In my head I was going 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' but on the outside I was scowling furiously, the tears once more dripping down my face. To my intense surprise, he gathered me up into a hug. Ah, that was what I had needed. A good, old-fashioned boy hug. I don't know what it is, but boys hug _so_ much better than girls. I gulped furiously, determined to control my breathing.

"Have you ever talked to anyone about it?" Nate enquired, resting his cheek on my hair. This was pushing the boundaries of a friend-type hug, but I wasn't complaining.

"How could I? No-one understands."

"You are one messed-up kid," he told me, pulling back and leading me over to a bench nestled in the shade of a rose-covered gazebo. The scent was incredible, and it helped to stop the last of the tears.

"Tell me."

I regarded him. "You wouldn't understand either."

He half-smiled. "Actually, I think I would. My mom died when I was eight. So, to prove it, does your chest feel all sort of … empty? Like the world's not quite right, but you don't know why?"

I found myself nodding. He's got a gift with words, that's for sure.

"And you can't get why nobody understands, when your pain is so freaking clear. Like it perpetrates every single line of your body? And you feel you would give everything just to know what they would have said to you if they could have had a final goodbye? And if you could know whether they're proud of you right now?"

I swallowed hard.

"I could know."

"What?" his eyes were distant now, clouded. I knew exactly the pain he was feeling.

"I could know what my dad wanted to say to me. He wrote me a letter when they brought him into hospital, but my mom took it and hid it. She said it would just bring back the pain."

I could feel Nate's anger, and it nurtured my own.

"What a bitch!" he exploded, and then threw me an apologetic look. I shook my head to indicate that his sentiment was bang-on.

"I love my dad. With everything I've got."

"How did he die?" Nate asked, frowning. I couldn't answer at first. I still don't understand why it's so hard to talk about. "My mom was shot," he offered when I failed to reply. "She got in the way of a gang fight in Harlem. She died instantly."

I sniffed. "She was lucky. My dad's car hit a tree. His ribs punctured his lungs. They took him to hospital. I wasn't allowed to see him. I was twelve, so they made me wait outside. He was screaming and screaming in pain. He was strong, my dad, so it had to have been true agony. Then it cut off. It started again about five minutes later, then cut out again. The doctors tried to operate but nothing worked. My mom came out of the room tucking an envelope away into her bag. I found out later from one of the nurses that it was a letter from my dad to me. She still has it. Every time she goes away on tour and leaves me behind I spend most of my time looking for it. I still haven't found it. I've combed every inch of her room, of my room, of my sister's room, of our kitchen … everywhere." I began to feel that I might be boring him, so I fell silent. "All I want is to know what he wanted to tell me," I had to add, in case he disapproved of my ransacking ways.

"You know, Tess, being a bitch to everyone isn't going to bring your dad back." His comment surprised me – I hadn't expected his thoughts to take that line. But, defence is ingrained on my psyche.

"Why should they be happy when I'm not?" I shot back, scowling now.

"Because it's not their fault your dad died. It's not their fault my mom died either, so I don't blame them."

I was completely quiet.

"Tell you what," he broke the silence, and I jumped. "Your mom goes on tour tomorrow, right? I'll call Jason and maybe Shane, and we'll come help you look, 'kay?"

I was shocked. "You would do that for me?"

"That's what friends are for. If you go next door right now and take Mitchie some flowers and give her a proper, true apology and explain why you were so horrible to her, she might even surprise you and help too."

I considered for a moment. I didn't really want Mitchie hating me – maybe if I could get closer to being her friend some of her happiness would rub off on me. It was worth a shot.

I jumped up. "One second," I told Nate, and ran towards the house. I went straight through the kitchen door and snatched up a pair of strong scissors lying on the counter, then dashed back outside. Nate took a step back.

"Now, now, suicide or murder is never a good option!" he was being overly sarcastic, so I laughed and snipped the stems of five of the soft roses that smell like heaven and seem to be shaking themselves out. I added in some soft greenery from the flowerbed and some bright blue flowers of some sort.

"Nicely done," Nate commented, coming up behind me. I turned my head to smile up into his face.

"I'm ready," I said, and marched purposely out of my garden, onto the street and round into Shane's drive. It was long, and I was annoyed because Nate had just climbed over the fence again. Never mind. I would do this the hard way.

I met Nate when I got nearer to the house. He grinned at me.

"Help, help, the ice queen is melting!" he cried, and I shushed him with a giggle.

I took a deep breath and strode up to the door. I knocked three times and waited patiently. The door opened slowly and a startled voice reached me.

"Tess Tyler?"

-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-

**Yay, another chapter finished and done! So leave a little review, say what you think. Is Tess too OOC? Can you understand her a little better now? And most importantly, how do you guys think Mitchie should react to Tess's plea for forgiveness? Should Tess get down on her knees and beg?**

**Also, I need two OC's to get Jason involved in a little drama, involving a love triangle and some big mistakes. Tess isn't going to be able to help herself and be just a **_**little **_**manipulative. So enter the two female original characters. Here's the requirements:**

**Hair colour: (the obvious one!)**

**Eye colour: (nothing weird like turquoise or orange streaks or anything pleasey!)**

**Rough height: (self-explanatory. Can be freakishly small or tall, if you like)**

**Skin colour: (again, self-explanatory. No unnatural colours like green, please!)**

**Motivation: (why does she want Jason as a boyfriend? Fame? Money? Love?)**

**Biggest personality trait: (Nice? Cruel? Manipulative? Annoying? Funny?)**

**Main interests (three, please): (reading, Connect 3, hockey … anything. Go wild!)**

**Any other important facts: (like Jason got her pregnant or something and now she wants compensation? Ooo, I like that. I might use it ;D)**

**Go for broke, you guys!! I need the ideas!**


	3. Truth

**Okay, for any worried folk out there, Tess is **_**not **_**going to use Nate – I should have made that clearer. She going to pretend to her mom that she **_**is **_**using him, so that she can get to school, but actually she likes being with him anyway. This isn't going to be some crappy 'he was just an object to get her what she needed but then they fell in love' story. Well, at least I hope it's not anyway.**

Ugh. I should have stayed asleep. My head was pounding. I raised my head from the pillow and looked over to see where I had crashed after the party. Hmm. I was in my room, in my bed, with …

"Oh my God! Who the hell are you?"

Ack. Maybe I should keep volume levels to a minimum. Serious pain in head. The boy asleep next to me woke up and swore.

"I'm Jamie. Who're you?"

"Tess," I told him. We were both speaking in whispers. I lay back down again and tried to remember yesterday … I had gone and apologised to Mitchie – she took it shockingly well – and invited her to the party. Again to my shock she had accepted.

So, there was the party … then, I had obviously picked up this random guy from somewhere. Odd.

"So, you were at the party last night?" I tried again.

"Yup," came the faint reply. "Christ, my head hurts. By the way, are you wearing anything?"

This particular enquiry struck me as weird until I realised that I wasn't in fact wearing anything at all.

"Oh, snap."

"I agree," he said, rolling out of bed and finding his boxers.

"Can we never talk about this again?" I asked pleadingly. He nodded, then went around getting dressed. I reached out a hand to grab my dressing gown.

"We did use protection, right?" I thought to ask. He shrugged. I moaned and took a step forward, stepping on a condom wrapper.

"Oh, no worries, we did," I informed him, then gestured to indicate that now he was fully dressed he should climb out the window. He went out onto my balcony and paused.

"Wow, these flowers smell _amazing_!"

"Thanks. Look, you can climb down the trellis, see?"

He saw, and went down feet first. I leant over the balcony to wave goodbye to him. He was alright-looking, and I suppose if I had slept with him I ought to get to know him better. Ah, well. It's not like I called any of the other guys. It was always because I was so drunk I couldn't remember my _own _name, let alone theirs. But it all helped to forget.

I couldn't deal with that pain right now – the headache was too bad. I pulled some underwear on under my dressing gown and went downstairs, careful not to jar my head. I went straight for the coffee machine and switched it on. I _hate _coffee but it's the best thing I know for hangovers. I was leaning on the counter with my forehead resting in my hands having knocked back an aspirin when my mom came in.

"Oh my God, Tess, what happened to you?"

It must be earlier than I thought – she hadn't left yet.

"Laura's party," I told her, stifling a yawn.

"How many times have I told you not to drink?!"

"How many times have I come home smashed?"

"About forty-five, now."

"Then forty-five times. At least I came home this time."

"Small mercies," she muttered as I helped myself to the coffee. I made a face as I smelled it, but drank it down all the same.

"Tess, you need to control yourself."

"I'll control myself when you give me dad's letter."

Her face hardened. "Tess, you know that's not going to happen. And I've hidden it in the last place you'll look, so don't you dare go looking for it."

The last place I'd look. Hmm.

"Why can't I see it?"

"It'll bring zombie-Tess back."

Gack, I hated that nickname. After my dad died I didn't talk for three months, and wouldn't do anything without being forced to. Then my burning hatred for the world woke me up.

"No, it won't. I'm way over that."

"I don't believe you. You should see yourself, honey. Your eyes seem dead, like that little sparkle died with your dad."

She had to shut up or I would snap.

"Can't you leave already?" I enquired. Her expression turned furious.

"I'm waiting for Diana, for your information, young lady. Mind your attitude."

"Likewise!" I told her and left the room, stomping back upstairs. My headache had retreated rather nicely.

The last place I would look. Where?

I shoved my feet into my slippers and left my mug on my chest of drawers, and paced over to my door/window that led to the balcony. I _adored _my balcony. It had a cream-coloured trellis making two walls and a roof, with white wisteria and red roses growing all over it, making a living, breathing room. I had mini flowerbeds all around it, with some more of the white roses from the gazebo planted amongst the red and white ruffled tulips. I had red open-necked lilies interspersed with white. I had red and white flowers I didn't know the name of, so my whole balcony was a sea of red and white. I had cream railings that I could lean against and stare out at the LA sunsets.

Why all the red and white? Well, when I was ten, I decided that I wanted a flower-heaven on my balcony. My dad agreed to help on the one condition that we would only pick colours he wanted.

--------

"_So what colours shall we get, daddy?" I asked, holding his hand. "Let's get those blue ones!" I exclaimed, trying to dart over to them._

"_No, angel. My choice, remember?" His voice was soft but firm. I capitulated._

"_Then pick, dad, pick! Hurry! Which colours?"_

"_Well," he said, picking out several packets of seeds, "I pick red and white!"_

"_Why?" I was confused – his favourite colour was green._

"_The red is to show how much I love you, baby girl, and the white is to represent your innocence – how you always have to stay if you want to daddy's little girl forever. Your garden is going to smell like heaven."_

"_Oh. I _will _always be your little girl, daddy. No matter what. Nothing can stop me." I wound my small hand into his big one, and beamed up at him. He beamed back._

---------

I had kept my little garden just as he had wanted. He had promised it would smell like heaven. It didn't. It smelled better.

I suppose I could try and compare the scent to a hundred things – a first kiss, a whispered goodbye, a blazing sunset, the first smile of a baby, a ray of sunshine, a bird's morning song, a stolen moment of pure bliss – a hundred beautiful things. It smells like each one of them and more. It smells of memories, too. Wonderful memories. Happy memories.

I sat down in the rocking chair to one side and curled my legs up under me, my chin resting on my hands as I gazed out absently onto another hot day. It was cool and shady under my canopy, so I stayed frozen in position, unthinking. It's nice to have the opportunity to just _be _once in a while.

Then my reverie was broken.

"Oi! Tyler! You get your butt down here!"

Nate, charming as always, was standing in this middle of _my _garden. I stood up and leant against the railings.

"Why should I?"

"Because I have nothing to do!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Get Shane to play with you!"

"He won't! Mitchie came back from that party you took her to pissed out of her mind and Shane's trying to get aspirin down her."

I suppressed a smirk. I knew she wouldn't be able to take the alcohol. I had tried to warn her … but there you go.

"Can't you occupy yourself?" I called down.

He shook his head. "No. But shall we look at it this way: if you don't come down and give me someone to talk to I'll refuse to help you look."

I levelled a cold stare at him for a full minute. He glared back, eyebrows almost meeting. I looked away first.

"Go away, Nate. I'm busy."

I turned and went back inside, leaving the doors open so the scent of the flowers would flood into my room. I went into the bathroom and turned the bath taps on, adding bubble bath and bath bombs until it was full of hot, bubbly, lovely-smelling water. I let my clothes slip off my shoulders and stepped in, sinking down blissfully. I reached a soapy hand over to the CD player embedded in the wall and turned the CD on. It was a woman singer I didn't know, but one of my favourite songs in the world – Sophia – was on it so I was content to just lie there and wait for the song to come round.

"Tess!"

Christ! The bastard had climbed up my trellis and was now in my bedroom!

"Nate Black you get out of my room this _instant_!"

I could hear the humour in his tone as he replied, "Oh, are you gonna make me? Bring it on, blondie."

I growled, and got out of the bath muttering swearwords under my breath. I wrapped a towel around myself and reached for my toothbrush.

"Why are there condom wrappers all over your floor?" he asked, with a bewildered inflection to his voice.

"I got very drunk last night," I replied past my toothpaste. He swore loudly. I swore back and carried on brushing my teeth.

"Who was the guy?" he asked loudly.

I spat out the toothpaste and wiped my mouth.

"No idea. His name was Jamie. Can you give me my clothes, please?"

I stuck an arm out of the door, careful to keep myself hidden. He pressed a bundle into my hand. I withdrew and got hurriedly dressed into the shorts and baggy top, then exited the bathroom. Heavy steam from my bath billowed out after me. I sniffed appreciatively: the scent of the flowers had inundated my room as I had hoped.

"Do you get drunk often?" Nate enquired. I sighed as I saw that he was spread-eagled across my unmade bed, frowning.

"Yes. At most parties. It's nice to forget."

His expression darkened further. "There are other ways of forgetting."

"Oh yeah? Show me one!" I challenged belligerently. He was off the bed and across the room in a few quick, lithe strides. He gathered me up and kissed me hungrily. I melted completely and forgot everything for a minute. Then I remembered myself and pushed him away. His cheeky grin had returned.

"Worked, didn't it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I denied quickly. Too quickly.

"Oh, admit it, Tyler, you _like _me."

"I do not!" I knew I had outrage and guilt written all over me in equal measures, but I couldn't help it.

"Oh yeah? So you wouldn't kiss me if I wanted you to?"

"Not a chance, Black!"

We were almost yelling now, facing each other across a small distance of carpet. I could feel the tension rolling off us. I broke the eye-contact and took a step back, crossing my arms.

"You're a liar," he told me firmly.

"I don't need your help anyway today. I've been thinking and I reckon I know where the letter is. So, if you'll excuse me," I said, striding past him to the door and flinging it open. It bounced off the wall with a satisfying crash and I stalked off down the hallway. He followed me, just like I knew he would.

"So, where do you reckon this letter is?" he asked genially, hooking his arm through mine and smiling down at me.

"Well, mom said that it was in the one place I would never look. And I never go into the cupboard in her and dad's room, because she keeps all the old photographs of all her conquests in there, and looking at them makes me sick. So, that's where it'll be! I can't believe I didn't think of it before. I'm an idiot."

Nate nodded his agreement and I started to run, heading for my mom's bedroom. I burst through the door, heading straight for the wardrobe. I flung the doors back, and started chucking stuff out at random. I dug through massive piles of shoes and clothes, and eventually found something that looked promising. I drew the shoebox out of the cupboard and sat cross-legged on the floor. It was a man's shoe make, with 'Ian' scrawled across the top.

Dad.

I took a deep breath and, gently, pulled the top off. The box was empty except for a single red rose, the petals still on, a letter with 'Tess' in my Dad's neat script on the front, and a blank CD in a jewel case. With trembling hands, I unfolded the letter and started to read.

_My darling Angel, my little Tessa,_

_I'm so sorry I'm leaving you like this. I can't believe they won't let me see you – I swear, Tess my darling, that I begged them for every last second of my sorry life to let me say goodbye to you. Because of course you're reading this after I'm dead. I can feel the darkness spreading, and it's going to take me. I'm not scared, baby girl, of dying. I'm just heartbroken that I'm never going to be able to hug you again, and I'm never going to be there to tell you what boys you can date, and what clothes are suitable, and most of all I'm never going to be able to tell you what a beautiful young woman you're going to be._

_Even if I can't be there in person to protect you from life, know that I'll fight everything they throw at me on the other side to watch over you. Do you remember the song 'Holes in the Floor of Heaven?' If you don't, go listen to it. It's on the CD I asked your mom to give you. I don't know if she will. I can only hope and beg that she does. Anyway, I promise you that I will watch you through a hole in the floor of Heaven every day if I get there. I'll always be with you, my baby._

_When the wind plays with your hair, it's me ruffling it just like I normally do._

_Whenever it rains, it's my unashamed tears that I'll never be able to talk to you ever again._

_When the sun shines, it's because I'm so proud of you I can barely speak._

_When the storms come, don't hide under the bed like you usually do: it's me showing how cross I am that I can't be with you._

_When the winds blow through the trees, it's me laughing with you._

_Whenever a new flower blooms, I've sent it to cheer you up._

_Whenever a star stands out brightly, that's me boasting about you to anyone up there who'll listen._

_I'm always there, baby, you just can't see me. So don't cry, don't be depressed. I don't want you to waste your life missing me. I will be able to watch over you from wherever I end up. It's not the way I would have wanted it, given the choice, but I promise I'll send you a perfect, sweet, understanding and good-looking boy to take the vacant spot of ' most important man in your life.' I will do that much. I love you so much, my daughter, and I wished you knew how utterly, inhumanely grateful I am that I was picked to be your Dad by whatever higher power is up there. Live your life to the full, my baby. You deserve it. _

_I'll fight with everything I've got to stay, but I don't think I'll make it. I just had to make sure you understood how much I love you – always in the present, no matter how late in your life you find this. I love you, I love you, I love you. I'll write it in the clouds, with the stars, on the Sun._

_I love you, Tess, with everything I've got. Be good, my angel._

_And remember, I've got your back._

_Goodbye, little star._

_I love you._

_Daddy._

My head fell back. I was crying harder than I had in years. The tears streamed down my face in waterfalls, my breath came in ragged, desperate gasps. I felt strong arms encircle me and collapsed into Nate's embrace. He pulled me tight against his body, rocking me gently back and forth. I soaked his T-shirt but I couldn't stop the tears coming, no matter how hard I tried. He murmured soothingly to me, trying to help me regain control. I fought the utter despair, but only one thing was able to drag me from my downward fall. I felt, quite clearly, the ghost of a pair of lips kiss me on the cheek. I blinked, but Nate's mouth was on the other side of my face, whispering comforting nothings into my ear. There was no-one standing in the room, but I clawed my way back to sanity anyway, knowing that's what my dad would have wanted.

No. Not what he _would have _wanted. What he _wants_. Always in the present, because he's watching over me, through a hole in Heaven's floor. Breaking away from Nate, the sobs growing quieter and less desperate, I reached into the shoebox and pulled the CD out. He had obviously asked my mom to mix it – it just had 'for Tess' written on it in my mom's loopy handwriting. I stood up, clutching it, still silent, and Nate copied me, understanding my need for quiet. I walked slowly over to the CD player on my mom's bedside table, and put the CD in. Then I hit play and sat on the bed. Nate came to sit next to me and I leant against his chest as the music began.

**Gosh, I almost teared up just **_**writing **_**this chapter! I'm lame, huh? Anyway, leave a review, tell me what you thought … do you get Tess better now? **

**And don't worry, the manipulative and bossy Tess we all love to hate is going to make a comeback in the next few chapters! **


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